Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear………..
After the truth was exposed, I had no choice but to go see an attorney. I went to see one of the most respected Divorce Attorney’s in the country. He saw me as a favor to our dear friend. He sat me down and gave me some great advice. Before you struggle with the divorce, get some counseling. He was right, I was emotionally distraught and not healthy enough to handle it. I thanked him, then spent some time in the adoration chapel asking God give me strength.
I sought help for myself and my daughters. I thought I was doing all the right things but I was getting on a rollercoaster . I went by myself for a while, then my husband agreed to join me. He told me he wanted to try and save our marriage, that he was ending the relationship and that he wanted to eventually come home.
We began counseling…………..but within two months, bomb number 3…….I was out of town, got a call at midnight from my youngest daughter saying that she saw her dad hide another cell phone when he picked her up from dance. She was so afraid of hurting me, that it took her hours to call. I told her to go wake up her dad and tell him what she saw.
I couldn’t sleep……..got on the first flight home and went directly to his office. I told his receptionist who I was and she replied “I didn’t know he was married”. I was like, what??? He met me in the lobby. Begged me to go get a coffee and I told him I wasn’t leaving until I knew the truth. We walked back to his office and after a half an hour he agreed to tell me the truth, IF I left. He looked at me with a cold stare and said he had been back with her for two weeks . I didn’t say a word, got up and left. I cried all the way home. When I got home I crawled in bed with my daughter and held her, telling her she did the right thing by telling me and that nothing he had done was her fault. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me she loved me.
We agreed to continue counseling….once again he would end it. I so badly wanted to save my marriage and my family that I agreed. Counseling was horrible. Every time we got together he would tell me how his family hated me. The counselors played into this. I was so confused…………….why were we taking about his family? It was our marriage that was in trouble. What about our family? Soon, it all became clear.
This world we live in is a fallen one………….away from the truth, away from honesty, away from compassion and filled with evil. The 4th bomb went off at the home of that same brother. My niece, was having her 1st baby shower. All week my husband was fighting with me…………telling me the family hated me, no one wanted me to come. I went anyway. It was fine….. at first…………then his sister told me the story that would destroy me.
She said “It’s not over” ….I said “What’s not over?” What she said next was like a Charlie Brown phone call……it sounded like wha, wha, wha. When things cleared I heard that not only had his brother met the girlfriend but his entire family. This sister and her husband had had drinks with them two weeks before, his mom/step-dad, father…..all of them and no one stood up for me or our family. They all knew and not one of them even cared. I was like, “We are in marriage counseling, going to adoration, What? In the middle of all of this, I got a text from my husband “How is it going?” All I could write was “Game Over”.
My arms went numb…………I held it in and then got to the car and totally fell a part. I drove down the road, pulled over and cried hysterically. I cried so hard I started throwing up. I called my new friend ……and thank God I did. She dropped everything and met me at home. We sat in my driveway and as I told her the story. We prayed. Right then, I knew God had brought her into my life to help me walk with God through this.
I went in the house and got a call from my sister-in-law. When I asked her how she could be a part of this……..she said, “It wasn’t any of my business”. Who could say that? Not one of them felt bad. To make it even worse, they all knew that during the shower, the brother, girlfriend and my husband were at a hockey game. What a terrible family. There was absolutely no remorse. I was in total shock.
The week after was filled with more evil. My husband insisted my brother-in-law describe the details of “drinks out”. Group hugs…..how they were happy that he had moved on. It was his sister who told him to leave,to get a divorce. It was like a really bad dream only I couldn’t wake up.
This way of life was so foreign to me. I couldn’t comprehend any of it. What family takes part in this and feels nothing. Who was so cold that they would even repeat the story? Even today, I break down because its so incomprehensible. I was sitting at work with tears flowing down my face. My boss took me into a conference room and gave me a hug, asked if I wanted to go home and knew I needed to stay.
The truth……the whole truth……and nothing but the truth. Words an attorney swears by. So why don’t they live by them? On many occasions I begged for my husband to tell me the truth. I reached out several times to the girlfriend asking her to tell me her side…..nothing….. What I have learned is the laws don’t apply to them. Not the laws of marriage or the laws of the state. They know no boundaries and even when they are laid out, they refuse to abide by them. No remorse for destroying me or our family. Christian Catholics? Their faith was as superficial as their relationship. With the new year, the girlfriend left the firm and the relationship ended.
I told him to file. Thinking divorce would end the pain. So it began…….but, then God allowed more time. All the running had caused my hips to breakdown and the arthritis was so bad that I needed a hip replacement. I believe God was waiting for my husband to face what he had done, giving him time to repent. I never happened. One month after my surgery we signed the papers and our marriage was over………………so let the games begin.
Over the next year, I struggled to find my place. I was working on building up my hip and getting ready to have the other one replaced when my mom passed away un-expectantly. Two days after my second surgery, I was attending her funeral. Everyone was wondering how I was making it through. I wanted to scream. I had been living an emotional hell and this physical pain was nothing. I had my hip replaced. What about my heart? It had been shattered. How was that going to heal? The counselors said only through God. But the answer was only through truth. It was now 2 1/2 years since my husband had left.
“You and I, we made a vow………..for better or for worse, I can’t believe you let me down but the proof is in the way it hurts“….. It was the summer after the divorce. We would have celebrated 26 years of marriage. It was a difficult day. I struggled with each minute. I spent time in deep prayer, in the adoration chapel of the church we had been married in. My x participated in a cycle ride for charity. After the event, he and his evil brother/wife went to celebrate. That night he was set up with a close friend of theirs. He felt nothing. He not only denied knowing her but said all he cared about was looks and she wasn’t someone he would ever date. The coldness to his actions and his lack of compassion showed me who he had become.
You may wonder why would I care? Why would I want to know? We were divorced. This quote explains the feeling one has after spending thirty years together………. “The ones who truly love you, will never give up, even if there are a HUNDRED reasons to, they will find the ONE reason to hold on.” I loved this man for thirty years. My heart was broken but we were soul mates. I believed the man I married was down in there…….somewhere. I prayed God would open his eyes, that he would see the evil in what he had done. I lite candles and prayed for him constantly. Satan had his heart and I couldn’t break through.
Even after the divorce you seek truth… You reach out to counselors, family. No one will help you. The advice you receive is move on…..find a new happiness. He’s not your problem anymore. With each new relationship, you ask again for the truth because the trauma of the past haunts you. You just want him to confide in you and when he doesn’t the anger burns……doesn’t he get the pain he caused? You fight to break through the coldness……….you beg, you plead as the worst part of all of it is not ever hearing the truth.
There have been many woman since, but every time he insists he will never get married again…..So? That’s not giving an honest answer…….so the trauma continues to haunt me. I wait for the next bomb…..who will be the one to tell me this time? Where? When? It’s a terrible way to live. I often find it unbearable but then I pray and know that I can get through it.
The Devil has taunted me with each new relationship getting more evil with each one. I know he wants me to turn on God for letting the pain continue. There are times I sob and beg God to stand by me. He has walked with me with each struggle. There have been many times where I felt I was not going to get through it, that I was having a nervous breakdown but each time I have cried out “HELP ME, JESUS!” and he has. “Hard times, bad times, and tough times. I still have faith in God.”
